another minute gone by...
and i say "alright. enough bullshit. hey god? where are you?"
"alright god. what gives? your holy land is a fucking mess. i mean, NO COFFEE??!!! whaT kind of people are these?"
"MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT MAKING A GROUP OF PEOPLE FANATICALLY LOYAL TO ME."
"well, were you smoking crack or what?"
"NO. CRACK, HOWEVER, WAS INVOLVED WHEN I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA OF REDNECKS."
"out-fucking-standing. so, the real reason i asked you to come here : why do you hate me so much.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WAS IT THE MORTAR THING? DAMN, ALL YOU PEOPLE DO IS BITCH BITCH BITCH..."
"no, i mean, i don't THINK you shot mortars at me. i mean, why did you create beings with the potential to create themselves, and forget to tell them that stupidity is a bad thing?"
"WHAT, SO I HAVE TO THINK FOR YOU NOW? I WILL TELL YOU A SECRET : I ONLY MADE 2 STUPID PEOPLE. THE PROBLEM IS, THEY STARTED BREEDING. WORSE THAN ROACHES, LET ME TELL YOU. EVERY TIME I SQUASH ONE, I FIND 5 MORE UNDER THE SINK. I COULDN'T EVEN GET THEM TO KILL EACH OTHER. I MEAN, THEY HATE EACH OTHER, AND THEN SHOOT EXPLOSIVES AT CREATIONS MORE INTELLIGENT THAN THEM. LIKE CONCRETE BARRIERS. THE WORST PART? MY MORE GENIUS CREATIONS, LIKE YOURSELF, GET STUCK IN THE CONFLICT, PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF BREAKING NECKS, BUT TOO UNMOTIVATED TO MUCH MORE THAN LIGHT CIGARETTES AND SMART OFF."
"so now I have to shoot at your screw ups. thanks a lot, god."
"SO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?"
"i dunno. tell them that being retarded is a sin against allah or something."
"I DID!! I SAID SO IN THE KORAN AND IN THE BIBLE!!"
"well, obviously, you didn't make it fucking clear enough. what ever happened to 'thou shalt not blow up schools?"
"MUST'VE LEFT THAT OUT."
"well, fix it."
"I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT."
"your welcome. man, what would you do without me?"